Parenting: five things to tell the kids

Goal Setting, Health and Parenting Ezine

In today’s article
Goal Setting – Don’t let worrying get in the way of your goals
Health: Chocolate – how to limit yourself
Parenting: 5 Things to tell the kids


Goal Setting – Don’t let worrying get in the way of your goals

The French Philosopher Montaigne wrote, “Me life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened”

Worrying is often listed as a key reason why people don’t achieve their goals. People worry about what will happen if they don’t achieve, and also what will happen if they do!!! (the fear of success).

Today we look at three things you should do to keep your worrying at bay.

What is the worst that can happen
Accept the worst and move on
Try and make the “worst” better

The fact is, things can happen, and whether you like it or not, life isn’t always fair. But this should not stop you from achieving your goals. Always consider the worst thing that can happen. Ask yourself the question, can you live with it? If not, don’t do the task. If so, go ahead and do it. Always remember, that even when the worst happens, you can use it to your advantage and build on it.

Instead of thinking about all the negative things, and fretting, think about them once and accept them. Once you have accepted, move on and fill your mind with tranquil thoughts, and positive thoughts. If you don’t do this, the negative thoughts will begin to take over, and will consume you and your goals.

At the end of the day, if you think positively, have faith in a God, and trust in the tasks you are doing, you will be better off on all levels.

Healthy: Chocolate – how to limit yourself

Ok…so most of us love chocolate. Infact, about 70% of the population would call themselves chocoholics – at least it is better than some additions!!!

While there are several benefits from chocolate – particularly dark chocolate which has some cardiovascular benefits, the benefits are only derived if you eat a small amount, say three standard pieces a week. Anything more than that and you off set the benefits from spiking your insulin levels with the amount of sugar you are absorbing.

In today’s article we will look at a tried and tested way for you to minimise your chocolate consumption. Lets get into it.

Step 1: Buy only the best chocolate
There are two reasons for this. One, high quality chocolate is better for you as it has less chemicals, and two. Once you taste it, you won’t go back to normal chocolate!!! Meaning you have to either keep eating high quality chocolate or not eat any at all.

Step 2: Buy chocolate individually wrapped and one at a time.

If you buy chocolate in bulk, chances are you will eat it in bulk. If you buy chocolate individually wrapped, and one at a time, you are minimising your risk of over eating. To add a bit of fun, make sure that you only buy your chocolate from the one store – chances are if you eat it a lot you will get a bit embarrassed by going back to the same store five times in one night!!!

Step 3: Appreciate the chocolate

If you have seen the movie “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” you will know what we are talking about. Smell the chocolate, let it melt in your mouth, as apposed to wolfing it down as fast as you can.

Step 4: Stick to the above for 12 weeks

If you can stick to the above for 12 weeks you will have changed your tastebuds, and have slowly lowered your chocolate consumption. If you have made it through 12 weeks you have changed your habit.

Parenting: 5 Things to Tell the Kids

We have a long article today detailing how to tell the kids that you are getting divorced. The article has been written by our friend Rosalind Sedacca, from www.childcentereddivorce.com who is an occasional contributor to Goals-4-Life. I am sure you will all enjoy the article!!!

5 Must-Tell Messages
to Prepare the Kids for Your Divorce
By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT

One of the most difficult conversations any parent will ever have is telling their children about their pending divorce. I know first-hand because many years ago I went through the experience. I fought and faced the overwhelming emotions. The deep gut-wrenching fear. The continuous anxiety. The incredible guilt. And the oppressive weight of shame.

My son, after all, was innocent. A sweet, gentle soul who loved his father and mother dearly. He certainly did not deserve this.

I struggled with the anxiety for weeks in advance. When should I tell him? How should I tell him? Should we tell him together? And most frightening of all, WHAT SHOULD WE SAY?

How do you explain to a child that the life he has known, the comfort he has felt in his family setting, is about to be disrupted – changed – forever?

How do you explain to a child that none of this is his fault?

How do you reassure him that life will go on, that he will be safe, cared for and loved, even after his parents divorce?

And, even more intimidating, how do you prepare him for all the unknowns looming ahead when you’re not sure yourself how it will all turn out?

I needed a plan. A strategy. A way of conveying all that I wanted to say to him at a level of understanding that he could grasp.

Thankfully I found that plan. I came up with a storybook that told my son, in words and pictures, the story of how his father and I met, married and started a family. It explained problems we encountered that we could not readily fix, and the decision we ultimately made to get a divorce.

In my new ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce?, I provide a fill-in-the-blanks template that other parents can use to prepare their children for the many changes ahead. The interactive format allows parents to customize the story to fit their family dynamics. It also focuses on five key messages that are essential for every child to hear, understand and absorb. By sharing and repeating these five points to your children in the weeks and months following the initial conversation, you will enable them to better handle, accept and even embrace the challenges and changes they will soon be facing. Here are the five must-tell messages for your children:

1) This is not your fault.

Mom and Dad have been having problems. We don’t agree about certain key issues and that creates conflict. Even when some of the issues are about you, that does not mean you are to blame. You are an innocent child who we both love and cherish. It is not your fault that Mom and Dad disagree about your bedtime, where to go on vacation, how to help you with your homework or whether you should play soccer. We are not fighting about YOU. We are disagreeing with each other about issues that concern you and our family. But you are not in any way at fault.

2) Mom and Dad will always be your parents.

No matter what changes occur over the weeks, months and years ahead, one thing is for certain. Mon and Dad will still always be your parents. No one else will ever be your real Mom. No one else will ever be your real Dad. We will both always love you and be there for you, no matter where we live or how things should change.

3) This is about change, not about blame.

Divorce is a scary word. But all it really means is that our family will be experiencing some changes. Change is okay. Everything in life keeps changing. You grow bigger, taller, stronger and smarter every year. The seasons change every year. Clothing styles and hair styles keep changing. You change grades and schools as you grow older. Change means things will be different in some ways. It doesn’t mean things will be bad. Change can be fun, exciting and new. Sometimes it takes a while to get used to changes, like beginning a new grade with a new teacher. Other times change gives us a chance to do things in a new and better way, like trying a new sport or a hobby you grow to love.

The change in our family is not about who’s right or wrong or who’s good or bad. Mom and Dad both tried their best to resolve our problems. The old way didn’t work for us and now we will be trying a new way for our family to live so there’s more peace, calmness and happiness for us all. Instead of worrying about who’s to blame, let’s think about how we can see the changes ahead as a new adventure -- a brand new chapter in our lives. Who knows what lies ahead?

4) Things will work out okay.

We’re often frightened when we begin new things and face new challenges. Like the first time you learned to ride a bicycle, the first day of school or day camp, your first trip to the dentist. Things always have a way of working out, even when we’re scared that they won’t. Divorce will be the same way. Things will be new and different for a while.

We’ll have new ways of doing some things … some new responsibilities ... some differences in our schedules. But life will go on. We will get used to the differences. Some of them we may even prefer. And after a while, we’ll look back and say, life is different than it used to be, but it’s all okay. I’m okay, our family is okay and, most important of all, we still love each other. That is a lot better than okay. It’s great!

5) Mom and Dad will always love you.

No matter what happens, no matter what changes occur, one thing is for certain. Mom and Dad will always love you. That will never change. Regardless of where we live, what we do and how old you get. You can count on that. And don’t ever forget it.

These core messages are the foundation your children will depend on when they are feeling frightened, sad or insecure. Repeat them often in your own words and your own style. You’ll be rewarded in countless ways as you and your children encounter and overcome the challenges of life after divorce.

* * * *

Rosalind Sedacca, Certified Corporate Trainer and relationship seminar facilitator, is the author of the new ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids … about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook™ Guide to preparing your children -- with love! The book provides expert advice which helps you to create a unique personal family storybook that guides you through this difficult transition with optimum results. To learn more, go to http://www.howdoitellthekids.com. Rosalind can be reached at Rosalind@childcentereddivorce.com. For free articles on child-centered divorce and a free ezine, go to http://www.childcentereddivorce.com.


In other views

Your editor and his wife spent the weekend seeing friends, swimming and most importantly, searching the house up and down for some lost money.

We think the culprit is our one year old daughter, who has a habit of placing car keys in bins, and hiding bills or letters.

We made the mistake of leaving a money bag full of notes on our kitchen table which our daughter can now reach. Oh well, at least we have now learnt that we should keeps things out of reach!!!

In other news, our four year old went to her first dance rehearsal for the end of year concert. If you recall from previous ezines, we think that the instructor takes it way to seriously.

The rehearsal went for four hours, of which most children only danced for about 2 minutes. My wife reported back that there seemed to be some annoyed parents.

One mother stated
‘I am not paying over $1000 a year for my child to learn one dance, what’s with the arm things anyway…I could teach her that at home!!! Its like they only learn one dance so they look good at the concert, but don’t learning anything of real value’

Another mother replied
‘But if they do the same thing each week then it will be memorised, and they can build skills on that’.

My wife made the wise move of staying out of the argument. We will see how much value the rehearsals have been in a few weeks. At the very least my daughter has learnt discipline and how hard you have to work if you want to be good at something.

That said, I hope this is the ballet instructor’s goal, and that they are not just trying to feed their own ego’s.

I will take any readers feedback on this: enquiry@goals-4-life.com

Cheers

Andrew Collings